THE BASICS OF BARGAINING

AS you go about planning your special day, you'll be setting lots of meetings with various wedding professionals. These meeting serve several purposes: to discuss possibilities for your wedding, to look at samples, to find out if what you want is actually available for your wedding, and, we must never forget, to find out how much everything costs. Let's get you ready for those meetings.

WHETHER it's with the florist or photographer, caterer or DJ, each meeting is likely to feature you and/or your representative, such as your fiancé, mother, or best friend, and the vendor. In many ways, your interests are diametrically opposed: You want to pay less for something; the vendor wants you to pay more. But you also share an interest: Assuming you like what the vendor is selling and assuming the vendor's good or service is actually available for your wedding, you both have an interest in reaching a deal. So while your primary goal is to try to minimize the money you spend and the vendor's is to maximize it, both of you, to some degree, have a joint interest in actually transacting business with each other. What that means is that each side is probably willing to be a little flexible. You're willing to spend somewhat more than your absolute bottom line, and the vendor is willing to part with a good or service for a little less than if he or she had no interest in actually selling to you. And that means there is probably more room to negotiate than folks generally realize.

NOW, to be sure, price is not endlessly negotiable, so it's always good to keep in mind a threshold—the absolute maximum you're willing to pay. And it's good to be aware of your alternatives—if, for example, there are a lot of other wedding gowns that appeal to you, you can stick to your guns and demand an attractive price on the one that has currently caught your fancy. If you get it at that price, great! If you don't, well you have lots of options. You can offer up to your threshold or continue shopping. Of course, if you have few options, then your bargaining power is more limited, but you don't have to announce that fact. When Andrew bought his last car, he didn't mention that he currently didn't own one, had just moved to a new city without good public transportation, and was in desperate need of new wheels fast. Instead, when the salesman asked what he was currently driving, Andrew simply pointed to his rental car (fortunately he wasn't asked if he wanted to trade it in!).

NOW the other problem is that you typically don't know what various vendors' options are. Are they desperate to sell? How much can they discount? Will they be offended if I try to negotiate? Obviously, there are no simple answers to those first two questions, and shortly I'll show you how you can negotiate even if you can't answer either. Regarding that last one, I have two answers. First, if you are worried about negotiating with a vendor, don't frame it in your mind as a negotiation. Frame it as a question—you are simply asking a question to see if a lower price is available. If you don't ask, you may never find out. Second, if a vendor gets offended by such a question, then that is probably not someone you want handling your wedding, and you have found out something important with your question. So even if the wedding service provider offers no discount and in fact becomes enraged at the mere suggestion of negotiating the price for a good or service, you have still gained something of value—you have learned that it's time to shop around some more.